Gettting Carved-Out Lettuce From People I Don't Even Know

A nice long post, to help make up for my absence.

My best friend in HS, Linda Raisinette (sort of her real name), was the best for misheard lyrics. Both of us loving to sing, it was all about knowing the words... and sometimes Linda would learn them with disasterous results. This post is about two of my favorites.

"Dreams" ~ Fleetwood Mac

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
They say women, they will come and they will go
When the rain was changed you cleaned your nose


With dear Stevie Nicks' former propensity for the nose candy, I now find that one even funnier. Maybe it was her ass that should have been cleaned -- were the Rumours that she used to have an assistant she paid to put coke up her ass (because her nose was too destroyed) ever proven out? Though when she looked like this it was probably easier to hire them.

BTW, the actual lyric is "When the rain washes you clean you'll know."

But the main reason I bring you all this is for misheard lyric # 2, which is also the title of this post. "Getting carved-out lettuce from people I don't even know." Linda and I would battle over her misheard lyrics, her adamantly insisting these were the words, and me saying "They CAN'T be... that doesn't MEAN anything!" Conceptually, this one blows my mind -- imagine this happens to you. People you don't know giving you carved-out lettuce. WTF, right?

Okay, now imagine you're David Hasselhoff. Imagine you're adored by legions of Germans. You do big music specials on German televsion, and you sing songs like this...




This may be the best piece of television I've ever seen. God bless. Of course, circa 1975, I was *mesmerized* by Glen Campbell and this song. I remember running to the TV anytime he was on singing it, and sitting as close as I could for as long as I could until hollered about me ruining my eyesight.

Glen Campbell was my first crush, back in the days when I wanted to be Toni Tenille. Glen was tossed aside like an old shoe for Donny Osmond, whom I was CERTAIN I would marry some day. See, Donny was 12 when I was born, and somehow I knew when I was seven or eight that although the then-20-year-old Donny was far too old for me, someday I would be older, and the age gap would not be so big. And then I would pounce.

Then came Shawn Cassidy, whose poster adorned my wall for several years. I think it was not much of a leap from Shawn's hairless-chested androgeny to the next (and last) Poster Boy to adorn my wall: Adam Ant. Adam was the apotheosis of my scrawny-white-british-boys-in-makeup phase. Still love his music. Shame he went nutballs, culminating in these recent charges (2002):

Charges of criminal damage, assault causing bodily harm and possession of an imitation firearm were dropped against the 47-year-old Ant, who was released on bail awaiting an October 2 sentencing hearing.

The incident, according to prosecution lawyers, occurred January 12 when Ant showed up at the Prince of Wales pub in north London wearing a cowboy getup. Patrons began to laugh and mockingly hum the theme song from the 1966 Clint Eastwood spaghetti western "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly," according to the AP report.

The "Goody Two Shoes" singer reportedly stormed out of the bar and returned later in the day with a WWII-era starter pistol that belonged to his father, then threw a car alternator through the pub's window, hitting a local musician. When patrons began chasing him down the street, Ant pulled the gun, "which they thought was genuine, and threatened to shoot them if they didn't back up," Ant's lawyer, David Tomlinson, told the court in an earlier proceeding, according to AP.

Ant was arrested a half-hour later when police found him trying to hail a cab. The report described Ant as looking "pale and drawn" during the proceedings, during which he wore an understated black fedora and tight-fitting pinstripe suit.

Sad, really. Apparently he's had a long-time battle with depression. Still, it made me laugh til I cried when I first heard. The cowboy outfit, the "Good/Bad/Ugly" whistling, the alternator. It's almost as good as 'carved-out lettuce' IMHO. You can't make this shit up.

Besos a todos, K