S-E-X-X-Y (x because it's extra, baby)

I am super hot. And at last I have the proof.

In high school, I had a...

75% resemblance to Catherine Zeta-Jones
74% to Jessica Alba
73% to Michelle Rodriguez
73% to Jodie Sweetin (LMAO)
72% to Hillary Rodham Clinton
72% to Kelly Preston
72% to JoJo
71% to Jenna Malone
70% to Katherine Heigl
70% to Sela Ward

Pretty mind-blowingly hawt, huh? Yeah. That's why I was a drama and choral music geek -- everyone was too intimidated by my extreme beauty. But now I have mellowed, grown into my looks. Oh, and apparently become significantly more Eurasian...

72% Hillary Duff
71% Sofia Vergara (Columbian actress)
71% Allison Hannigan
70% Preity Zinta (Bollywood actress)
68% Woranuch Wongsawan (Thai actress)
68% Jenna Elfman
67% Song Hye-kyo (Korean model/actress)
66% Melissa Joan Hart
66% Jolin Tsai (Taiwanese Mandopop singer)
66% Kelly Hu

Nice to know that three things remain contstant:

1) I've retained the teen pop singer market (internationally, it now seems)
2) I'm still in the teen sitcom star demographic
3) I remain just a *wee* bit Scientological

This is of course all courtesy of the MyHeritage.com face recognition software.
Visit. Try it out. Record the results -- heck, if you were to ever wind up
horribly disfigured, maybe they can use the results to sculpt you a new face, a la Kathleen Quinlan in The Promise. And Melissa Manchester can sing your theme song. Fade to credits.

The Sweat Keeps Rolling Off the Tip of My Nose

So the personal trainer has been kicking my ass Mondays and Fridays at 6am -- imagine my ongoing shock that I get up at 5am to work out. LMAO. In addition to the twice-weekly workouts, I am to be getting daily cardio (I don't) and tracking my food in a journal (I do). The food journal is illuminating, to be sure... did you know you can get fat if your daily food intake is 47% fat? Mind-blowing, huh? Next thing, she'll tell me that my cardio-avoidance is sabotaging my training. Oh, wait... she did.

Living in walk-ups since 1998, the bane of my existence is stairs -- bastard things. Heck, in the old-old apartment (the apartment I was living in when I met BFE), I used to call Peapod and have them deliver the heaviest shit I could think of, just so I did not have to haul it up the stairs. Kitty litter, laundry detergent, cases of soda... I'd make big burly Peapod men drag it up three flights, tip them well, and wallow in my lazy consumerism. Bliss. Haven't done Peapod in years now, and BFE and I lug everything ourselves.

But now, more than two score lighter, lugging stuff is not so bad. I mean it's no trip to the Jewel bakery aisle (mmm... crappy Jewel cake...), but it's better. Hauling my own ass up the stairs is easier, let alone with stuff. Recently, I was loaded down with several heavy bags, including my own overloaded purse and my gym bag, and mid-hike I wondered what all that stuff weighed -- as soon as I reached the apartment, I hopped on the scale, still loaded for bear. My burden weighed less than half what I had lost, meaning that I used to carry more than twice that extra weight around ALL THE TIME. Amazing.

Funnily enough, the thing I hate most about the workout is the eliptical trainer -- I have to get on it for ten minutes at the top of each session, to get my heart rate up. Three sessions ago, she had me switch to doing five minutes forward, then five backward -- what fresh hell?! I am not sure what it is I hate so much about the eliptical -- I've tried them at various gyms, and hated them every time. Would rather do an hour on a treadmill than 10 mins on the eliptical.

So now's time to stop fucking around. I am about 1/3 of the way through the 50 sessions, and need to get serious. Yahoo serious. So if you see me bundled up and running the streets this winter, just get out of my way. Please.