The Sweat Keeps Rolling Off the Tip of My Nose

So the personal trainer has been kicking my ass Mondays and Fridays at 6am -- imagine my ongoing shock that I get up at 5am to work out. LMAO. In addition to the twice-weekly workouts, I am to be getting daily cardio (I don't) and tracking my food in a journal (I do). The food journal is illuminating, to be sure... did you know you can get fat if your daily food intake is 47% fat? Mind-blowing, huh? Next thing, she'll tell me that my cardio-avoidance is sabotaging my training. Oh, wait... she did.

Living in walk-ups since 1998, the bane of my existence is stairs -- bastard things. Heck, in the old-old apartment (the apartment I was living in when I met BFE), I used to call Peapod and have them deliver the heaviest shit I could think of, just so I did not have to haul it up the stairs. Kitty litter, laundry detergent, cases of soda... I'd make big burly Peapod men drag it up three flights, tip them well, and wallow in my lazy consumerism. Bliss. Haven't done Peapod in years now, and BFE and I lug everything ourselves.

But now, more than two score lighter, lugging stuff is not so bad. I mean it's no trip to the Jewel bakery aisle (mmm... crappy Jewel cake...), but it's better. Hauling my own ass up the stairs is easier, let alone with stuff. Recently, I was loaded down with several heavy bags, including my own overloaded purse and my gym bag, and mid-hike I wondered what all that stuff weighed -- as soon as I reached the apartment, I hopped on the scale, still loaded for bear. My burden weighed less than half what I had lost, meaning that I used to carry more than twice that extra weight around ALL THE TIME. Amazing.

Funnily enough, the thing I hate most about the workout is the eliptical trainer -- I have to get on it for ten minutes at the top of each session, to get my heart rate up. Three sessions ago, she had me switch to doing five minutes forward, then five backward -- what fresh hell?! I am not sure what it is I hate so much about the eliptical -- I've tried them at various gyms, and hated them every time. Would rather do an hour on a treadmill than 10 mins on the eliptical.

So now's time to stop fucking around. I am about 1/3 of the way through the 50 sessions, and need to get serious. Yahoo serious. So if you see me bundled up and running the streets this winter, just get out of my way. Please.