"Anything else? ...Anything else? ...Anything else?"
Maybe it's just a city phenomenon, but why do delivery order-takers these days only say "Anything else?" -- more accurately, why do they say it after the first item!?!?? WTF! Really?!? Do you really think all I'm ordering is that edamame? Perhaps if you quit cutting me off to say "Anything else?" you would HEAR me order the next item, Scooter. You're so far behind, you think you're first.
Yesterday, I was compelled to create a series of five self portraits:
Although I'm almost unrecognizable in brushed stainless, there's a fun Shroud-Of-Streeterville vibe about it, IMHO.
For "Four" I'm reflected in my snow-salt-stained car window. Look closely and you can see the crap. No, the crap is not the yeti in the puffy coat... that would be me. This is one of those perspective shots I love: Me, The Car Window, and Inside the Car.
"Five" -- all smiles. Me, Reflection of Me, Mirror, Inside Car, Outside of Car. Mwaaah!
A week ago Saturday, I went to see the Buffy Sing-Along. Me and about 700 of my closest friends. It was cold as tits that night, and apparently Buffy geeks love to drive, because there was no parking for blocks around the Music Box. After hauling my ass over there, snagging the will-call tix, and locating my peeps in line, we waited.
Managing to score some pretty good seats in the rear house left, we then 'enjoyed' an hour of Pre-Show. Bleaagh. It was poorly executed and understaffed, so despite the best intentions of the creator/emcee, we were all more than a little annoyed and anxious for the episode to start. Once it did? Magical. People were working their best RHPS moves on it, and it was amusing to hear what comebacks people came up with. My one big score, comeback-wise, was in the scene [SPOILER ALERT] where Dawn lets it drop to the flower-charmed Tara that Willow and T had been fighting (duh). After Tara leaves and just before Dawn sings her little pre-abduction "Lament," Dawn walks over to her jewelry box and pulls out the amulet she stole, the one that made Sweet come to Sunnydale. Knowing this was about to go down, I waited til Dawn turned to go to the jewelry box and shouted "Go look at the shit you stole!" -- much to the delight of those in earshot. If this thing does indeed become another RHPS, and that becomes an official comeback, know that it was me, ME! Mwahahaha!
The best part of the show (and one of my favorite moments, musically), was "Standing" -- Giles' solo (with slo-mo Buffy). They had everyone pull out there lighters (or, like the kids do nowadays at the rock shows, their cell phones), and sway them back and forth like they were at a Journey concert. [NOTE: Yes, I am old, and for some reason, waving your lighter makes me think of Journey. Suck it.] I wish this image properly conveyed how damn cool it looked, but it was pretty bad ass.
When did I miss the revolution in lawn decorations? A flamingo? Sure. A sunflower that spins like a pinwheel? All right. A big inflatable snowman? Okaaaaaaaay, fine, whatevs. But this? It's like a miniature version of that inflatable house that the kids get in and jump around on and sweat like hell, only this one's filled with more inflatable shit (in this case, inflatable reindeer) on a turntable. That's right -- this was actually an action shot. There's some bizarre inflatable merry-go-round bullshit going on in there. Heaven help us.
I responded today to one of those ubiquitous "iPod Music Survey" things floating around -- little did I know I was going to inspire brilliance! Christopher, a MySpacer I went to HS with, read my bulletin and was inspired to write the short story below. I in turn wrote one of my own, which appears below Chris'.
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The goal was to take the 21 songs in order on my IPod shuffle setting and write a short story using as few words as possible that weren't part of one of the titles.This is a really a practice in creativity that my daily life doesn't always allow, so I thought I would take the advantage of an idea and an inspiration to find more creativity in my daily life. I hope you enjoy and if you feel inspired to write your own story please do.Thanks Kathe for the inspiration.
I was standing outside the BRICK and BEAUTIFUL front of my OLD LOVERS HOUSE. In the window I saw her painting of the BUFFALO SOLDIER, SITTING IN LIMBO. I only wished she would TALK TO ME, but I was told she was on a CHINESE VACATION. I headed down to THE NEW TIMER for a drink and I met ANNA MAY. She offered me REFUGE and I thought she was the one to SAVE THE DAY. She was the one who told me ANDY, YOU'RE A STAR, and I knew this was not the end of my story.In case you were wondering I'VE FOUND A NEW BABY, her name is MARTHA. We met in the park and talked for hours and I knew, she is SOMEBODY I could really love. I walked her home and she invited me in BUT NOT TONIGHT because we both knew this was SPECIAL. So, HERE IT GOES AGAIN. I have found in her my REDEMPTION SONG. Today I stand outside her house, holding 99 RED BALLOONS with a note saying I had long WISHED FOR YOU.
(So, it's a little corny but hey the IPod wrote it. ~Christopher)
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My story... still thinking of a title for it...
I had a mean case of TRIPLE STAGE DARKNESS bearing down on my skull. I needed to get out of this WICKED LITTLE TOWN, and fast.
She had skipped three months ago with Jimmy "The KARPET KING" Webster. Gave me THE ANSWERING MACHINE BIT, let me come home to empty hangers and a collection of dust bunnies where our dreams used to be. Hell, even they knew she was leaving before I did -- they hear her record my "Dear John" message. In the beginning, she used to MAKE ME SMILE so much she nicknamed me MONA LISA. She told me I was her forever, then she left so fast it was like she'd been shot out of a MACHINE GUN. And now I'd finally tracked her.
"A letter arrived for you SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE." The motel clerk handed me a manila envelope full of pictures. Pictures that would make your mother blush. Pictures featuring MR WEBSTER and my wife. This whole thing was beginning to COME TOGETHER, but I needed to be road and fast if I was going to make it stick. I mean I LOVE CONDOMS, but you can't make babies wearing them, and I wasn't going to make her pay til I shrugged off this joke of a town. It's like my mama used to say, "YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT, but you can HURT those who hurt you first." So I was going to hurt her. I was going to hurt MY GIRL like she'd hurt me.
"HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN" I growled, as the drops began to spatter my rag top. I pulled THE PARKING TICKET from my windshield, and peeled away toward destiny.
Ten hours and two packs of Camels later, I pulled up outside the house. I could see her moving around inside. She was going to make an EXQUISITE CORPSE, and the best thing was that Webster was going to fry for it. While she was on that AIRLINE TO HEAVEN, the cops were going to find the life insurance policy he'd taken out. They were also going to find the murder weapon. I figured I'd plant it in his desk, piece of cake.
I focused on her silhouette there in the window. Shooting her was going to be the easy part. I'd been a SOLDIER BOY, after all -- dropped out in GRADE 9, and eventually enlisted. I'd been trained to shoot out a crow's eye from a hundred yards, and she was going to make a much cleaner target.
After three long months of absence, I finally felt the smile start to creep back across my lips. I was about to get my revenge... WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS Smith and Wesson.
This is exactly the kind of story my Noir-y car pix would fit -- just maybe they inspired the tone of this piece.
How long did I say it would take to stop blogging daily? D'oh!
I like this one (R) a lot. In my own little Isherwood fantasies, I would wish to be able to capture images from my POV, so that you had the multi-layered realities of Me, Inside the Car, The Windshield, and Outside The Car. The one below I call "Seuratt" (the extra T is for Traffic), because it looks so pointillist to me. Or impressionistic. Hmmm. Maybe I should retitle it. Or maybe I should calm down and quit being so freakin pretentious about my new hobby. Did I mention this is all courtesy of my new Pearl? Am loving it for the multifunctionality and portability 
alone. For anyone vetting the Pearl, this should also give you a half-assed idea of the picture quality you'll get. Not amazing intrinsically, but for what it is and what it cost, pretty Fing awesome, IMHO. Of course some Photographer (with a capital P, signifying that they actually know what they're doing) will probably laugh themselves silly when they stumble upon this blog. Ah well. I've been having a blast, and I love these pix.
So I already mentioned Project 365 here -- a cool concept, but not one that I think I am prepared to follow through on. Aside from things like honeymoons and whatnot this year, I just know there are days I'll not turn on the puter (rhymes with "cooter" not "butter") and miss perfection. Until that time, here's the 2nd. Wanted to take a pic of my eye, but instead of it coming out sexy or whatevs, it came out looking a lits creepy, IMHO. That was almost reason enough for a discard ("Ooh, 2nd day of the year and she's taking creepy self-portraits"), til I realized how much it looks like a still from a Brian DePalma movie. And I love me some Brian DePalma.
