Your love is so edible to me

Okay, I first saw this with the Oregon Mayor case on Wednesday, and now again with this dude -- since when have newspaper reporters and the AP decided to throw in some bizarre piece of additional info in the last sentence? Is this just a test to see if we're reading to the end of the stories? If so, maybe try giving away a free iPhone or MacBook Air or something.

Grocery Stocker Found Guilty in Oklahoma Cannibalistic Plot Case

Friday , February 29, 2008

NORMAN, Okla. —

A jury found Kevin Underwood guilty of first-degree murder Friday in the killing of a 10-year-old girl as part of a cannibalistic plot.

The 28-year-old former grocery stocker showed no emotion as the verdict was announced about a half-hour after the jury began deliberations.

Judge Candace Blalock ordered jurors to return to court Monday morning to start the penalty phase of Underwood's trial. Prosecutors have said they intend to seek the death penalty.

Jurors began deliberating shortly after 10 a.m. CST following closing arguments in which Cleveland County District Attorney Greg Mashburn said it would take jurors longer to pick a foreman than to determine Underwood's guilt.

"It's the worst of the worst," Mashburn said. "His plan is to butcher someone like an animal."

In his closing argument, Defense attorney Matthew Haire did not dispute Underwood's guilt. He has said the defense focus will be on trying to prevent Underwood from receiving a death penalty.

"He was a lonely, very troubled, reclusive young man," Haire said. "There's something terribly wrong here."

Haire accused prosecutors of overwhelming jurors with gruesome evidence meant to shock them, but had little to do with the case. Evidence included multiple photographs of the victim and a cutting board that prosecutors said Underwood used to strike the victim on the head and back.

"We know what happened in this case," Haire said. "We know it through the words of Mr. Underwood. Isn't that bad enough."

Underwood's videotaped confession was played in open court Thursday.

In the confession, Underwood said he lured Jamie Rose Bolin, his upstairs neighbor, into his apartment, hit her with the cutting board, smothered her with his hands, sexually assaulted the body and nearly cut her head off as part of a fantasy involving cannibalism.

Underwood, 28, told police the killing was part of a fantasy fueled by bizarre Internet pornography. He said his plan was to kill and eat his victim.

"It started off as cannibalism ... I wanted to know what it tasted like, and just the thought of eating someone was appealing to me," Underwood said in the videotaped confession, which came in an interview with FBI agents.

Underwood also said his fantasies involving cannibalism began about the time he started taking the antidepressant Lexapro. Defense attorneys plan to call witnesses during the penalty phase of the trial who will testify that Underwood often appeared detached from reality and was using the drug.

Goes to show that a fashion can survive so beware!

More insanity, this time from Ohio...

www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-mohawk-kindergartner-022708,1,1952544.story

Mohawk gets kindergartner in trouble

PARMA, Ohio

A kindergarten student with a freshly spiked Mohawk has been suspended from school.

Michelle Barile, the mother of 6-year-old Bryan Ruda, said nothing in the Parma Community School handbook prohibits the haircut, characterized by closely shaved sides with a strip of prominent hair on top. The school said the hair was a distraction for other students.

"I understand they have a dress code. I understand he has a uniform. But this is total discrimination," she said. "They can't tell me how I can cut his hair."

An administrator at the suburban Cleveland charter school first warned Barile last fall that the haircut wasn't acceptable. The school later sent another warning to her reiterating the ban.

Mohawks violate the school's policy on being properly groomed, school Principal Linda Geyer said. Also, the school district's dress code allows school officials to forbid anything that interferes with the conduct of education.

Ruda's hair became a disruption last week when Ruda arrived freshly shorn, Geyer said. Administrators called Barile on Friday telling her to pick Ruda up from school.

"This was his third infraction," Geyer said Tuesday. "We felt that we were being extremely patient."

Rather than request a hearing to appeal the suspension, Barile said she'll enroll him at another school. Changing the hairstyle is not an option, she said.

"It's something that he really likes," Barile said. "When people hear Mohawk, they think it's long, it's spiked, it's crazy looking, and it's really not."

Not that you probably care much about my underwear

What in the fresh hell is this?!? I think it's insane. My favorite part is the ludicrous last line. I now think it should be mandatory for ALL mayors to pose in their underwear prior to election -- as good way as any to make sure they're not hiding anything. Why on earth would pictures taken 3+ years ago matter one iota? I've got a couple of lingerie photos of my own self -- guess I better not ever leave the house again, because of the abject SHAME.

www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-carmen-kontur-gronquist,1,1334294.story

Carmen Kontur-Gronquist loses job as mayor after posing in underwear

8:09 AM CST, February 27, 2008

ARLINGTON, Ore.

The mayor of an Oregon town who once stripped to her underwear and posed on a fire truck has been stripped of her office.

Voters in this town of about 500 voted narrowly Monday to recall Carmen Kontur-Gronquist. The tally was 142-139. City officials said the recall is effective Tuesday.

Kontur-Gronquist said the pictures of her in black bra and panties were taken for use in a contest about fitness, but a relative posted them on MySpace in hopes it would improve the social life of the single mother.

They predated her election, but she said she saw no reason to take them off the popular Web site once elected three years ago. Later, she closed access to them.

Opponents said it wasn't fitting for the mayor to be so depicted. They said they also disagreed with her on issues about water and the local golf course.

When I get older

Had to repost this -- hopefully it won't get me sued. This is from Julie Deardorff's blog on the Chicago Tribune online, and I think she's spot on. I'd venture a guess that many/most viewers of Sunday's Oscar telecast did not know who Robert Boyle was (though we knew his films), and suspect that (like me) most people were blown away and inspired by his demeanor/composition/lucidity at 98 years of age.

Health tips from 98-year-old Robert Boyle

At 98, he's one happy accident Legendary production designer Robert Boyle received an honorary Oscar last Sunday, but I still don't believe he's 98. Articulate, funny and more lucid than Cameron Diaz, Boyle seemed more like a recent retiree than a grandfather verging on centenarianism. Impressed, I tracked him down at his home above the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, where he was nursing a sore left foot. He turned down the television so he could hear my first question: What's your secret? A: "Actually, I'm not very fit. I have a torn Achilles tendon. [He slipped on the stairs of his home.] I wear a big boot now, but last night [at the Oscars] I didn't wear it and kind of paid for it. I never did do anything right for my health. I was in the sun too much, and I suffer from skin cancer, I drank too much and smoked too much. Q: Do you still do any of these things? A: Oh no. It would kill me. Q: Did you use a Teleprompter for your speech? A: My eyesight isn’t very good, so I didn't rely on it. I memorized what I was going to say, which I wrote. I really didn't think I did that well. I was surprised to hear people say they thought it was good. [I offer to e-mail him the You Tube link so he can watch it. He enthusiastically gives me his e-mail address.] Q: What did you have for breakfast today? A: A few three-minute eggs. I have no strict diet. I eat all kinds of food. Q: Do you have any health issues? A: I take a whole bunch of pills. At my age, everything is wrong; I have a bad ticker. I take so many pills I can't count them; that's the misery of my life. But my doctor loves it. Q: Do you have any advice? A: Life is full of accidents. By accident, you could be finished [with life] very early or very late. I've gone through a lot of problems, including being a soldier in World War II. It was just an accident I didn’t go under heavy, sharp objects. I'm interested [in life], that's it. I'm interested in politics and what’s happening and not happening in the world. In case you missed him in action:

Just ask Don Cheadle...

Not as funny as Sarah's, but an A for effort (and star pull)...

It's time that you won

I cannot express how happy I am that "Falling Slowly" from ONCE won the Oscar for Best Song. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova were so genuine and inspirational in their speeches (mad props to Jon Stewart and the producers for allowing Marketa her moment), and it's such a charming movie and rags-to-riches story ($100K, hope, and a lot of charm can earn deserving musicians an Oscar). And I am thrilled that Glen played his same guitar -- well loved, well played, and genuine, like their music. So pleased that he didn't choose (or get forced by the producers) to play a more telegenic guitar.

Enjoy some inspiration, courtesy of YouTube:



That win, Diablo Cody's, and the genuineness with which Marion Cotillard accepted her Best Actress award made it all worthwhile.

They should have given you the Oscar

**Half-assed live blogging of the Oscars**

Would love to know what Laura Linney whispered to Jennifer Garner after pulling her away from Gary Busey.

Loved the monologue joke about the presidential race -- yes, normally if there's a woman or black president, there is a meteor heading for the statue of liberty.

Javier Bardem is the hispanic Robert Downey Jr.

Tilda Swinton just amazed me with her actual personality. Glad she won, but the Dylan fan in me is a bit sad that Cate Blanchett did not.

Showing the Adapted Screenplay writers writing was amusing, esp. with (winners) Joel & Ethan Coen actively not writing.

Overall, Kristen Chenoweth bugs me. Gays and theatre geeks, attack now.

Helen Mirren looks amazing, as ever. How incredibly hot is she?!

Is it any wonder...?

Trying to find two bits of video, which I will post at a future date if they show up on You Tube: Gary Busey attacking Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney on the E! red carpet tonight, and the digital short from SNL last night where 'grandsons' Bill Hader and Andy Samberg are inserted into videos for their 'grandpa.' During the (unsuccessful) search, though, I found this gem:

She's a big girl

Left my car lights on Thursday and ran down the battery. Still feel like a big dumb girl for it. Do guys feel stupid over shit like that? I suspect not. I just hate having to ask for car help, since I think it perpetuates the myth that women don't know jack about cars.

It brings on many changes

I am painfully obsessed with mash-ups these days -- have been for just over a year now, actually. What's not to love? Done right and tight, you get 2+ songs you love at once -- twice as much bang for your buck, right? It's like a musical bogo.

So here... enjoy some video mash-ups on me.

I just like knowin', Cynthia, you exist

Okay, I admit it: I want to see the SEX & THE CITY movie. In large part because of Cynthia Nixon. Because of her years of activism for public school reform in NYC? Perhaps. Because said activism led her into a lesbian relationship, the revelation of which Nixon deftly made seem natural and boring? Maybe. Her turn in LITTLE DARLINGS? Probably. But the real reason is that I'm in the middle of season five right now of SATC, my current late-night dvd decompression fix, and I am continually struck by how charming and genuine she is. Nixon/Miranda was the glue that held those women together. And, delightfully, one gets to watch her blossom over the course of the series -- even her look goes from the severe pseudo-dykey corporate Annie Hall look to something much softer, echoing her characters growth.

Plus she rocks some awesome velvet at her wedding.

It's for the look, I don't light it

Are we allowed to go to Cuba now? What does all this Castro nonsense mean? I'd like a plate of ropa vieja and a cig-a-cigar, please.

I wanna... I wanna

I miss this commercial, and this soda. Shasta Diet Grapefruit kicked Squirts ass.

I know what I want and I know how to get it

www.zenhabits.net/2008/02/punk-rock-your-life-the-simple-six-letter-word-that-determines-success/

Best. Article. Ever. That's how you speak to people like me -- put everything in punk rock terms. Speaking of which, have you heard about Punk Rock Yoga?

Baby it's a wild world

THIS is why you should microchip your pets...

www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/sns-ap-cat-travels,0,2714958.story

Cat Flees Fire, Ends Up 240 Miles Away

By Associated Press

4:53 PM CST, February 18, 2008

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.

A cat that fled a house fire is back home in Albuquerque, N.M., after turning up some 240 miles away. The black and white cat named Miko disappeared in December, on the night of the fire.

About two weeks ago, Miko's owner got a call from an animal shelter in Pueblo, Colo., saying her cat was safe.

Officials at the shelter speculate that the cat, trying to keep warm, hopped a tractor-trailer and rode it to Colorado.

When they found her, her collar was missing. But shelter officials scanned the microchip in her neck and came up with her owner's name.

Give me some chili sauce

Had lunch today at Big Bowl... is it wrong to wish I could roll around naked in a big vat of their spicy peanut noodles? And by 'wrong' I mean more than just your/my (valid) concerns that the spicy sauce would get into, um, areas.

Love's funny that way

I voted for him, proudly, but this is still damn funny. RNC valentines, who knew?

We're adrift in the land of the brave

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/evan-handler/my-wife-is-an-immigrant_b_80978.html

Always knew I liked Evan Handler. Loved him on SITC and as Hurley's imaginary friend on LOST, as well as on the much-underappreciated STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP. But today I discovered his writings on the Huffington Post blogs. Makes me want to go out and get his books.

This post in particular echoes my own sentiments re: ethnicity vs nationality. Specifically: I am American. My mother is American, as was my father. My grandmothers and grandfathers on both sides were American. I am not sure about my paternal great-grandparents, but I do know that one of my maternal great-grandfathers was born outside the US -- I think most all of the rest were born in the US. So I am at least third generation American.

My ethnic heritage is another story. I'm what they used to call 'Heinz 57' -- 57 varieties. You name it, I've got one in my lineage somewhere, especially if it's a boring white European culture. I do not run around telling people I am Spanish, or Irish, or even Irish-American. Those terms refer to nationality, not ethnicity.

IMHO, if you are born in the US to parents also born in the US, you are an American. If you are born in the US to, say, Italian citizens, you can (if you so desire) call yourself Italian-American. More appropriately, though, I would reserve that designation for someone with dual citizenship. But none of the people in these examples are Italian. Italians are Italian. Evan Handler's wife is Italian. These are all matters of Nationality (with a capital N).

By contrast, Whoopi Goldberg says she's "black" and "American" but not "African-American" -- I may horribly misquote her, but I recall her quote being something along the lines of "I am not from Africa, I have not ever been to Africa, I am black." Avery Brooks raised his kids to be "brown" and is devoted to "the brown cultural expression." I feel safe saying Avery thinks he's an American too. "Black" and even Avery's "brown" are cultural/ethnic terms, not nationalities -- they refer to how one identifies culturally.

Problem is, we don't have enough colors defining other cultural backgrounds. "White" is boring, but so are most whites -- I think it applies well to people (like myself) of varying European ethnicities that don't really celebrate any of their cultural heritage beyond wearing a little green and getting drunk on St Patty's. But so far we only have white, black and brown -- that's only a drop in the cultural bucket. We need to start divvying up the other colors!

This would also give us a chance to "take back" colors that have been maligned for ethnic (yellow, red) or political (red, blue, pink) reasons. And if we manage to assign everyone a color, then wouldn't we all be 'colored'? Couldn't we all then just get along?

Oh, and everyone go buy a bidet.

How about some information, please

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120277403869360595.html.html?mod=home_health_right

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/02/13/do-statins-make-you-stupid/

Read this scary article yesterday about how anti-cholesterol 'statin' drugs cause cognitive disturbances in women, then noted again last night that Paula Abdul seems remarkably sober/lucid so far on American Idol this season. Coincidence? Paula, I just gave you your new alibi -- enjoy. Send me a check.

I'm so sick of you

Am I the only one that hates Katherine Heigl? And, by the transitive property of mathematics, am I therefore the only one that is glad that her new haircut makes her look like Jessica Simpson by way of a Texas billionaire's wife by way Ellen Burstyn? (Thanks to the Fug Girls for the latter connection)

A long, long time ago

This is a great article in the LA Times about the 25th Anniversary of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album. My favorite tidbit? The song "Thriller" was originally titled "Starlight." That's just wrong.

Enough to fill our lives with love

Just finished watching a behind-the-scenes episode of TLC's "Jon & Kate plus Eight" -- made me like the show AND the Gosselins much better. There was a priceless scene where Kate was interrogating the three year olds, trying to determine from where a furniture knob she found had been removed. Having an argument of logic with three year olds seems insane to me, but surprisingly Kate made it work.

I know she gets made out to be a bitch, and I admit that the show is sometimes unwatchable to me because I can't stand to listen to her yell at everyone, including her husband. But ultimately it's the mom that winds up with most children should there be any sort of separation. Jon could take a powder if he wanted, but Kate's stuck (unless she starts indulging in too much 'purple drank' and shaves her head and loses custody). She's a brave woman. Braver than I. I'd be scared shitless my husband would leave me. Of course that would also make me be a helluva lot nicer to him (says the woman that's not chasing eight kids around).

Plus, she endured the most enormo belly I've ever seen when she was carrying the sextuplets -- I am surprised she did not literally pop. In looking for a picture of her at her biggest, I stumbled across their personal website... only to discover that they're all christ-y.

I take it all back.

Hey, ho, way to go

Seems there was a worldwide Scientology protest scheduled for today, but the Chicago protest was canceled because the guy with the permit never showed. LMAO.

If I could just see you tonight

Am I the only one that will totally watch WHITE CHICKS when it's on TV? Would never own it, but will definitely pass some time with it. In large part because of this:
It's worth the whole movie for that scene. LOVE me some Terry Crews. Am watching him right now play Cheeseburger Eddy in the surprisingly entertaining Longest Yard remake. Of course it doesn't hurt that it also features the delightful William Fichtner, Tracy Morgan as a prison bitch, and the always fantastic James "Stretch Cunningham" Cromwell. IMDB it, bitches, if you're too young to know.

I tell you that I'm hungry, then won't you feed my face?

Restaurants as obesity cops doesn't sit well

By Nanci Hellmich, USA TODAY

Nutrition experts are burning up calories in expressing their outrage over proposed legislation in Mississippi that would prohibit restaurants from serving obese customers.

They say the proposed bill, still in committee, is "ridiculous," "insane" and a wrong-headed approach to solving the national obesity epidemic.

State Rep. John Read, a Republican who is one of the bill's three authors, says he wasn't trying to offend anybody and never even expected the plan to become law.

"I was trying to shed a little light on the No. 1 problem in Mississippi," he says. The state has the highest obesity rate in the USA.

Steve Holland, the Democratic chairman of the House Public Health and Human Services Committee, said in a statement he will "pocket veto" the bill. "It's dead on arrival at my desk."

Although he appreciates the "efforts of my fellow House members to help curb the obesity problem in Mississippi, this is totally the wrong approach."

About one-third of Americans are obese (30 or more pounds over a healthy weight), and 66% are overweight or obese. Even so, obesity experts are outraged by the bill.

"It would be hard to concoct something more ridiculous," says Kelly Brownell, director of Yale University's Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity.

"This brings bias against obese individuals to a new and appalling level, and at a time when significant progress is being made in the effort to stop blaming obesity on the people who have it and to address the social and political conditions that drive it.

"Are these legislators fighting to get rid of soft drinks in schools? Are they working to stop the relentless marketing of unhealthy foods to children? Are they doing anything about the fact that poor people do not have access to healthy foods?"

Timothy Church, director of preventive medicine research at Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Baton Rouge, says the idea for the proposed law is "insane. I don't even know how to react to something so bizarre. This is five steps backward. This is not how you address the problem on so many levels.

"And what about civil rights? It's totally unenforceable, and you'd be alienating people. Most people who are obese don't want to be that way."

Morgan Downey, executive director of the Obesity Society, an organization of weight-loss researchers and professionals, calls the proposed law "the most ill-conceived plan to address a public health crisis ever proposed."

Michael Jacobson, executive director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, says the bill sponsors "should be ashamed of themselves. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be for an overweight high school student to go to a restaurant with a few slimmer friends and not be allowed to buy certain foods?"

Food industry spokesmen agree.

J. Justin Wilson of the Center for Consumer Freedom, a group financed by the restaurant and food industry, said in a statement: "This is the latest example of food cops run amok. Are waiters supposed to carry scales around the restaurant and weigh every customer? Give me a break. What's next? Will waitresses soon be expected to make sure we eat all our veggies?"

Contributing: The Associated Press

The future is scary

Can anyone say "Matrix"???

You better you bet

Last night on the el...

PA ANNOUNCEMENT: "...prohibits soliciting or gambling on a CTA train..."

MALE PASSENGER BEHIND ME: "Aw man, I wanted to solicit!"

ME: "I'll bet you ten bucks that you won't."

Tough room -- took him about 10 seconds to get it.

Just remember we're on drugs

Is it wrong for me to be giddy with excitement that my doc just refilled my Vicodin prescription?

Stuck in the middle

Natural selection at its finest.

Someone's in the kitchen

Recipematcher.com -- another miracle of modern technology. This is what I needed all those years when I was single and had only a can of tomato sauce, orange marmalade, and garlic powder in my stores.

Oriental Setting

Since I used the Hedwig reference in yesterday's post title...


There's a ton of Korean Hedwig videos on You Tube... tried to get a Korean translation of Hedwig lyrics for the title, but all I could get is Hangungmal. Funnily enough, though, the following words/phrases do not have Hangungmal equivalents:

sideways grimace
Hamill
Farrah Fawcett
frizz
Aretha
misfits
molasses
waterpik
ermine
montage
grenade
unscrewin'
warps

If you've got some sugar for me

One of my favorite books ever. Seven stories that I absolutely adore -- Henry Sugar and Lucky Break were my top two for years, the latter of which I even used for an oral interp in Jr High. Geared toward a slightly older (though still child) audience, it has some very painful stuff in it (The Swan in particular), but definitely holds up years later. Worth seeking out.

On a towel by the door

Just like somebody on TV

Part of me really wants to be on a reality program, mainly because of the deus ex machina properties they possess. Ugliest House on the Block redoes your landscaping, painting, etc. What Not To Wear gives you $5K in new clothes, plus new hair/makeup. Oprah's Big Give offers a chance to have your cake and eat it too. Amazing Race enables you to see the world, and possibly win $500K in the process. Clean Sweep will go through your house, get rid of your shit, and organize what you're allowed to keep. Biggest Loser is the best weight loss program going, witha chance to also win some kiznash on top of it.

I of course fear looking like an asshole in front of America. A fat lazy asshole at that. It's like the people that clean house before the cleaning lady comes -- I feel like I'd need some self-improvement before the self-improvement.

That and I HATE Carmindy.