Just like somebody on TV

Part of me really wants to be on a reality program, mainly because of the deus ex machina properties they possess. Ugliest House on the Block redoes your landscaping, painting, etc. What Not To Wear gives you $5K in new clothes, plus new hair/makeup. Oprah's Big Give offers a chance to have your cake and eat it too. Amazing Race enables you to see the world, and possibly win $500K in the process. Clean Sweep will go through your house, get rid of your shit, and organize what you're allowed to keep. Biggest Loser is the best weight loss program going, witha chance to also win some kiznash on top of it.

I of course fear looking like an asshole in front of America. A fat lazy asshole at that. It's like the people that clean house before the cleaning lady comes -- I feel like I'd need some self-improvement before the self-improvement.

That and I HATE Carmindy.