Riding on the Metro-o-o

I so want to do this... Apparently this piece of magic occurred a few days ago on the London Underground:

Sleeping with the television on

Part of the bittersweet joy of being laid up is watching a lot of TV. Or in my case, sleeping to a lot of TV. I have become extremely adept at this -- a skill honed on airplanes. Plug in my headphones, select a film on my iPod that I don't need to see to "watch" (like CLUE), and fall asleep to the comforting sounds. Better than a white noise machine.

Problem is, you can (even in this day and age) run out of things to watch. There's several things I want to see now available on iTunes movie rentals, but many of them are films that both Gus and I want to see, so I don't want to spoil the fun by watching them first. I just sent back all my Blockbuster dvds. And I watched all of the films in my collection that are appropriate -- after all, when you're sick and want the freedom to drift off to guilt-free sleep, you don't want anything too dramatic, or suspenseful, or even subtitled. You want easy and engaging.

Hulu.com oddly has a few movies available, most of which I've either seen or don't want to see. It does, however, have SIDEWAYS, and since I am one of the few artsy-fartsy film lovers that never saw this gem, I figured it was my big chance. Took two watchings (drifted off in the middle of the double date dinner), but enjoyed it quite a bit. And then, in my desperation, I pulled AMERICAN SPLENDOR out of my personal dvd collection, figuring I'd go for a Paul Giamatti double feature.

To clarify: I won my copy of this DVD in 2004, and it's sat in my collection since. Not sure why I did not watch it before now -- there were always other things I wanted to watch more, or it seemed like not the right movie for the moment. I'm a dumb ass. This movie is amazing -- the construct of it alone is fantastic. The casting is so perfect -- even Hope Davis, whom I love to be annoyed by, was 100% the right choice. And although I saw Judah Friedlander's name in the opening credits, it took all the way til the special features to figure out who he played -- who knew he was so good of an actor?!

The special features also gave me a glimpse of Roger Ebert. Not sure if he's had his latest surgery yet, but I hope it successfully restores his voice. I had the privilege of seeing one of his special screenings as part of the Chicago International Film Festival a couple of years ago, and then again this past October saw his appearance at the tribute to him at the opening night of the film fest (KITE RUNNER). Amazing to see two such different Eberts. And I have taken since to reading his reviews in the Friday paper. Such a brilliant man -- we (and certainly he) are fortunate that he is able to continue sharing his brilliance with us in the written word, regardless of the outcome, but again, my thoughts are with him.

Now, let me finish my dinner (take out), so I can sleep to How To Look Good Naked. That Carson Kressley -- who knew he wasn't just a gay minstrel, but rather is the feel-good hit of the winter?

Had a love affair but it was only paper

Touché.

It's pointless staying up for even twenty seconds more

First day back at work. Sucked. Body not happy to be up that much. 24 voicemail messages. And my left ear is my phone ear. But I still have my sense of humor! Nertz. Back in blessed bed now. Would that I could convince people it's a political protest of some sort.

Lying awake intent at tuning in on you

Several bloggers are doing the Hulu.com thing, and i jumped on the bandwagon -- lemme tell you, it saved my ASS with this injury of mine. Five days of being stuck flat on your back SUCKS, don't let anyone tell you different. Being able to tune in to Hulu and watch tv on the bedroom monitor? PRICELESS.

Hey kitty won't you come inside

moar funny pictures

Just for one day

Hulu.com is awesome, but it keeps removing episodes I want to see!! What gives?

I can smell the chemicals

The waitin' is the hardest part

Sitting in my Dr office waiting room, for a work-you-in appt. I want to scream or cry. At least if I were waiting at home I'd be laying down and have an ice pack on my neck. Here I have nothing but waiting. Every time I breathe it stabs with pain. I can deal with a lot, but in moments like these, if it were "cake or death" I'd take death. Makes me wish life were like a soap opera - this is when I'd go into a coma and wake up as a different actress.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

You know that you are Cold as ice

So today I went back to work, but when the sun started streaming in my window, the combination of that and the pain in my head/neck made me want to throw up. I am not one to normally be prone to nausea, so although I'm not one of those weirdos that will do ANYTHING to keep from throwing up, I am still a bit alarmed when I feel like vomiting and there's not a good reason (or quantity of food/booze) to explain it.

To compensate, I opened the window, letting a little 21-degree air in -- that plus a little ice water helped stave off the nausea, but it made my office SO COLD that I could only keep the window open for a short while. Then close it and get nauseated again, then open it and freeze, etc and so forth. Hey, you don't think this continually-changing temp thing could be making me sick in any way, do you?

People kept coming in asking "Aren't you cold?" and "Why is it freezing in here?" -- each time, I had to explain why, and really did not want to. Something about saying the words makes it real. No likey. Finally at about 3pm I could not stand it anymore and left. I should have frankly left prior to that, but did not want to look like a slacker. [Yes, I am this dumb]

The cab ride home was touch and go. Every bump and shimmy in the road went right through my skull. I had to start long hard breaths to keep from vomiting or passing out. I came upstairs and fell into bed -- luckily the house was cold, so I felt better (if not well) fairly rapidly.

Am getting worried that I'm going to have to go to the hospital for this thing, given that this is day three. How many days does one go on with something like this before you need a shot of something?

Cuts like a knife

...the pain in my neck, that is. And SPEAKING of pains in the neck, about my husband. [Insert rimshot here]

No, actually, not only am I incredibly grateful for Gus, and not only was he very sweet for my birthday weekend, doting on me and whatnot, but he's the kind of guy you can buy knives. That is, he's the kind of guy you can buy knives and not worry that some day he's going to chase you around the house with them. Which doesn't seem like something you'd have to be worried about, but...

Why didn't you tell me, Jenny?

PRO: Awesome free massage at my local spa on my birthday, by awesome masseuse Jenny. Very pleasant, a little new agey but in a non-threatening way, and did an excellent job on me.

CON: My head/neck now hurts like a motherfucker. Left side, base of skull, occipital nerve-y. Need drugs. Have any drugs? Send me drugs.*

* Dear FCC or whomever: If it is illegal to say things like "Send me drugs" online, then please just chalk this all up to some funny blog humor. No one reads this anyway, much less has the mode, power, or inclination to send me drugs. If it'd make you feel better, I can post a picture of me in my "Just Say No" tee shirt. Assuming I can get it on because of my pain pain PAIN.

In my dark cupboard with my great big cake

One of my favorite '80s tunes...



And, for good measure...

You don't know what I got

Today it was cab #5249. I was immediately struck by how clean the cab was, and the lack of center divider. I got in, gave my destination, and away we went.

"So, you're off on Monday?"

This is the kind of random cab driver question that creeps me out. I never know whether to tell the truth ("yes") or to lie ("no, they're expecting me back in an hour, so don't try to dismember me and bury my corpse in a shallow grave out by the forest preserve"). In this case I weighed his race (indeterminate Asian*), his demeanor (pleasant, genuine) and his radio selection (Esquivel on the true oldies station) against any potential danger, and opted for the truth.

"No one will be downtown on Monday... no one needs cab."

Okay, now we're getting into another potential weird area: Discussing his potential lack of business. When cabbies launch into lines of conversation such as this and/or issues of personal hardship, I can never tell if this is innocuous small talk, or if this is a ploy to garner a bigger tip. I usually close off at this point, and this was no exception. My hamartia? When not able to choose well, choosing inertia.

Digression: In the "Passengers Bill of Rights" lies the statement There is no extra charge to pay by credit card or for assistance with your baggage. "Kindly asian driver, would you assist me? I have daddy issues, trust issues, low self esteem**, and did I mention my hamartia?"

Eventually, Esquivel gave way to "Little Deuce Coupe" and the conversation sprung up again: This time about the weather (five degrees is COLD), and local cable/internet/phone providers (RCN rules). As we pull up to by building, I pay the man (exact change, tipping him well) and thank him.

"Have a good day! Don't forget about Hillary! Vote... woman..."
I don't hear the rest (I try not to listen) as I pile out of the cab. The presumption pissed me off, and I stomped up my front steps muttering "I'm not voting for Hillary! Not unless I have to."

Cab #5249, ladies and gentlemen.

* I apologize for not knowing what his exact ethnicity was. Not only did I never see him full-face, but I am admittedly bad with knowing the differing facial characteristics of most Asian cultures. Besides, my bigger point here was that most serial killers are white males, not Asian. So suck it.

** While working at a mental health center, I spotted on an intake form "I hope to gain some self of steam." Best. Ever.

Gimme a slice with everything on it

Mama WANT.

Beauty's only skin deep

Dear Sephora clerk:

Perhaps if you stopped chatting on the phone long enough to properly serve me, I would have been more pleased with my shopping experience. Not that you asked.

Miss you!
~ K

The little marks that use their influence

One of my current pet peeves is misplaced apostrophes -- drives me nuts. It's most upsetting when I see that I've done it myself, but I was born in the '70s for X sake, and I'm allowed to boof it every once in a while. Gimme a break, Nell Carter -- I'll be 38 in a few days. However, when people older and wiser than I repeatedly misuse apostrophes, I want to smack them.
Notes:

1) Apostrophes are not used to pluralize words. It's not DJ's, gym's, the 70's, or Little Shop of Horror's. It's DJs, gyms, the '70s, and Little Shop of Horrors. It should only be used for pluralization on plural nouns: children's books, women's shoes, people's court.

2) Apostrophes show posession: Mother's milk, Jessie's Girl, and The Emperor's New Clothes. In example #1, the misplaced apostrophes imply that someone named Horror owns a Little Shop. THE EXCEPTION: Possessive pronouns. I-T-apostrophe-S does not mean "belonging to it" but rather "it is." Why? Because...

3) Apostrophes are used for contractions and omitted letters. So far I have used I've, I'll, I'm and It's. Don't you, won't you, can't you, aren't you? Shouldn't the gov't care who you'll vote for?

I don't know why this bugs me so much lately, but it does. By contrast, others are bugged by improper use of quotation marks. Sounds like we needed The Electric Company to record a follow-up single...

The rhythm is gonna get you

...if not, these giant paws sure will.

Very good deal in America

I hereby nominate Rita Moreno for President of the United States. I am not sure if Ms Moreno wants the job, but she's IMHO a better candidate for First Female President than Hillary Clinton. Sure, Hillary would be the first female, the first spouse of a former president, blah blah blah, but is that reason enough to vote her in? I would love, as a woman and a Democrat, to be able to say that She's The One. But I don't think she is. I think she would do a fine job, but I think Obama would be better. I do not think setting records is the right reason to vote a candidate into office -- if it is, then again I duly nominate Rita Moreno.

10 unique reasons to vote for Rita Moreno as the 44th POTUS:

1) Latina
2) Woman
3) Tony-winner
4) Oscar-winner
5) Grammy-winner
6) Emmy-winner
7) Winner of the Sarah Siddons award for her work in Chicago theatre
8) California Hall Of Fame recipient
9) Star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame
10) Jeff-award winner

Think she'd be too soft? How about this?








Think she'd be too hard? How about this?












Oh, and for her running mate I nominate Morgan "Easy Reader" Freeman.


This can't be worse than Bush.

Another first kiss

Never buy or hang this poster, unless you're a walking cliche of a 1990s college student. Set dressers, please do not use this poster any longer to represent dorm room art. Can we please, as a country, wait til 2012 to use this as poster art? It can be part of the next election. Instead of the New Deal, we'll call it the New Irony.

Come back another day

Is there a name or diagnosis for repeatedly not knowing what day of the week it is? Not losing time per se, but that weird "today felt like Thursday all day to me" thing. For me, today is Saturday. And in a few minutes, it technically will be.

Title is from today's lost classic, so beautiful... Thanks, Zach Braff...

Got no time for bad news in my new shoes

So there's an xmas from when I was like 10 or 11 that will go down in infamy as "The Very Garfield Xmas." I was, admittedly, amused by the comic strip -- it was not a page-turner or anything, I did not rip newspapers out of people's hands to see what Jon was up to today, but yeah, I read it. I think I owned a couple of the books. This, to my mom, equals me LOOOOOVING Garfield, and so that xmas I got Garfield books, Garfield bedsheets, Garfield books, Garfield mukluks... okay, I made that last one up, but the level of Garfieldification of that year's holiday festivities was out. of. control. It also taught me an important lesson: Don't ever casually mention "like" of any object or concept in front of my mother.

Over the years, this theory was proved out with various boyfriends (like the puppeteer that only got puppet-themed gifts) and with my own interests (such as my theatre degree, which finally resulted in a moratorium on all comedy & tragedy masks). Gus now has the cool side of my mother's myopia -- he likes to cook, so she buys him gadgets and expensive knives. I still get a well-intentioned hodge-podge of things that luckily have no recurring theme, other than perhaps the color black (always a safe clothing bet for me) or silver jewelry.

What amuses me is that now, in a mix of payback and stymification, I buy her exclusively dachshund-themed gifts. She loves dachshunds, so it's apt, but she also needs nothing, owns everything, and does not like candy or burn candles (candy and candles being my Safe Gifts for the person who has everything -- disposable items that won't add to the clutter). I draw the line at dachshund-flavored crap (tees with "I heart my weiner" on them, or doxie-shaped salt and pepper shakers), but she's definitely reached the point of trying to tell me "enough already." Problem is that she has not identified another acceptable replacement gift, so it's either more dachshunds or nada. And nada is not allowed.

Problem is, I am now developing my own fascination with them, since I am always on the lookout for doxie-themed gifts. Which has lead me to the Daily Dachshund website, and to the priceless treasure below. Word to the wise: wait for it.

Blues wrapped around my head

Stuck with a loathesome cold since Sunday/Monday -- left sinus blocked, left ear blocked, sometimes also popping in my right ear. No real cough, nothing weird about my sinuses that lead me to believe that I have an infection as of yet, but it SUCKS. Especially when I have no energy, or when people talk to me and I can't hear them.

Have you ever been asked if you'd rather be blind or deaf? It's one of those "What if?" questions kids ask one another... I still don't know the answer to that question definitively. I suspect I'd rather be deaf, but I've had experiences with (mercifully) temporary hearing loss, and it was immensely frustrating. As much as I love to read and watch movies, I have to think sight would be the bigger loss for me, but my love of music would be the toughest part of deafness. I also have to think that loss of hearing would still leave you more able in the world than loss of sight.

Guess maybe I should have stuck with ASL classes when I took them, in case this cold takes a turn for the worse. Am suspecting that being able to finger-spell and sign the colors blue and green will be insufficient.

Test strip proof sheet love

Messing with the layout of the blog... not 100% happy with it yet, but will keep working on it. Oh, and Kat Von Dee is not pregnant -- she was just keeeeding.

Too Much Unexplained

Most. Brilliant. Thing. EVER.

My selfish heart just wants you home

The sweet little stray we took in this past August died this morning. Having four cats already (!!?!), I suggested we call her "Bonus." I miss her so much already. She was tiny and old and sick, but we loved her and took good care of her, and made sure that the last few months of her life were happy ones. RIP, sweet girl.

Dirt, Dirt, Dirty Martini

...with blue cheese stuffed olives, please. The more the merrier. Actually, best was the time I was poured a very dirty Belvedere martini with four blue cheese stuffed olives, and handed a plate on the side with two more skewers-ful of blue cheese stuffed olives. Having said that, I am nonetheless very grateful for the three Grey Goose dirty martinis I had tonight, with three large hand-stuffed olives each... Yum!

Music Is My Favorite Mistress

Is it my imagingation, or is commercial music getting better? Music in commercials, that is. I'd like to think that it's a by-product of people with hipper tastes getting old/powerful enough to hold key positions at major ad firms. Versus it just being that I am getting old, and that they're selecting music for said spots to appeal to my demographic, whatever it may be.

To be clear, I'm not talking about things like the crap-ass re-recording of Three Dog Night's "Joy To The World" (Glade), or even the inescapable Pantene onslaught of Natasha Bedinfield's "Unwritten." I find the latter particularly sad, since "These Words" has actually been a favorite of mine since before the US release of same.

Some recent tunes that clicked with me (more so than the product they're pimping):


1) PAS/CAL: "Wake Up Wake Up Wake Up" (Payless Shoes)

Pas/Cal hails from Detroit ("Day-TWAH"), and has a wonderful poppy Beach-Boys-for-today's-America sort of sound that I'm digging on. Eff the shoes they're trying to sell. As what's been referred to as "indie-pop's least prolific band" they're allowed to have sold out twice (2002 for Saturn) in just three EPs when they sound as good as this. Looks like they have their frosh LP slated for Feb 2008 on the Le Grand Magistery label, titled I Was Raised on Matthew, Mark, Luke & Laura. Delightful. I'll buy it, just like I iTuned all three EPs after hearing them on the Payless spots. Whoever made that deal happen for you, boys (and lady), it's working.



2) LANDON PIGG: "Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop" (A Diamond Is Forever)

Firstly, what's not to love about a mug like that and a name like 'landon pigg' on a boy whose mom still cuts his hair?!? Ridiculous. This song is so delightfully plaintive that I had to pick it up -- it's finally available as a single. Album pending, allegedly. Looks like RCA is is label -- not bad. Diamonds, schmiamonds.



3) DEVO: "Watch Us Work It" (Dell)

Yes I know this is the cover for 1980's Freedom Of Choice LP, but not only is it one of my favorite albums ever, but the band is historically underrated. Check out their wikipedia entry if you disbelieve. Frontman Mark Mothersbaugh is also a god, having composed music for most (all?) of Wes Anderson's films, being a minister for the Church of the SubGenius, and having selected A Face In The Crowd as one of his films when acting as guest programmer on Turner Classic Movies. "Watch Us Work It" capitalizes on the current '80s nostalgia, while proving that DEVO still rocks, even today. Bought the single; own an HP.


Honorable mentions (songs that swept me up, but risk becoming "you know, that one song from that _____ commercial?"):

CSS: "Music is my Hot Hot Sex" (iPhone)
Sara Bareilles: "Love Song" (Rhapsody)
Feist: "1234" (iPod)
Flaming Lips: "The W.A.N.D" (Dell)

Il tostapane ha un bel vestito

If it makes you feel any better, I am also watching this right now...

There's Something Dangerous I Like

A friend of mine recently posted in her blog that she has the interests of an 11 year old girl, despite being 35. I feel her pain. Not all the time, mind you, but right now more than usual...

Yeah. I'm rocking Felicity season one right now. Slightly embarrassed about it, but rocking it nonetheless. Season one aired in 1998-1999, and is so far holding up surprisingly well. Ian Gomez' Javier is still surprisingly endearing and humane for being a gay stereotype, Ben is still hot but dumb, Noel is still geek-hot, and perennial JJ Abrams fixture Greg Grunberg is still delightfully misguided. And, personal note to Keri Russell: I liked the season 2 short hair. I mean now you've found someone to give you a good blowout, so you're working that look, but the shortie breakup cut was cute, and fit Ms Porter's character arc.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little with that last bit.

This cover box cracks me up, though. Noel seems to be looking into Felicity's right ear with a sense of quiet strength. Ben seems pleasant but distant -- I'm choosing to imagine he's thinking about how awesome his hair turned out that day. And the mini-Felicity up left is sneaking up on the group, perhaps to mug them. It is New York after all.

Ain't it a fwiggin' shame...

...it's the second day of the year, and I'm already exhausted. Bwah. 2008, you cruel mistress.

This Door Swings Both Ways

Happy New Year... I'm hot! Or a bisexual activist...



Actually, since my last post was about "fish tacos" maybe I should have played the 'child star' card instead...