Got no time for bad news in my new shoes

So there's an xmas from when I was like 10 or 11 that will go down in infamy as "The Very Garfield Xmas." I was, admittedly, amused by the comic strip -- it was not a page-turner or anything, I did not rip newspapers out of people's hands to see what Jon was up to today, but yeah, I read it. I think I owned a couple of the books. This, to my mom, equals me LOOOOOVING Garfield, and so that xmas I got Garfield books, Garfield bedsheets, Garfield books, Garfield mukluks... okay, I made that last one up, but the level of Garfieldification of that year's holiday festivities was out. of. control. It also taught me an important lesson: Don't ever casually mention "like" of any object or concept in front of my mother.

Over the years, this theory was proved out with various boyfriends (like the puppeteer that only got puppet-themed gifts) and with my own interests (such as my theatre degree, which finally resulted in a moratorium on all comedy & tragedy masks). Gus now has the cool side of my mother's myopia -- he likes to cook, so she buys him gadgets and expensive knives. I still get a well-intentioned hodge-podge of things that luckily have no recurring theme, other than perhaps the color black (always a safe clothing bet for me) or silver jewelry.

What amuses me is that now, in a mix of payback and stymification, I buy her exclusively dachshund-themed gifts. She loves dachshunds, so it's apt, but she also needs nothing, owns everything, and does not like candy or burn candles (candy and candles being my Safe Gifts for the person who has everything -- disposable items that won't add to the clutter). I draw the line at dachshund-flavored crap (tees with "I heart my weiner" on them, or doxie-shaped salt and pepper shakers), but she's definitely reached the point of trying to tell me "enough already." Problem is that she has not identified another acceptable replacement gift, so it's either more dachshunds or nada. And nada is not allowed.

Problem is, I am now developing my own fascination with them, since I am always on the lookout for doxie-themed gifts. Which has lead me to the Daily Dachshund website, and to the priceless treasure below. Word to the wise: wait for it.