Roll me through the night

I always knew I loved Dlisted, but this is exactly why. And yes, I wholeheartedly agree: Michael Stipe IS gayer than the (extremely gay) Billy Squier video for "Rock Me Tonight." Heck, to save everyone the multiple clicks, here you go. The proof's in the pudding -- or in this case, the flashdance-y cut tshirt.


In fact, let me live-blog this video for you:

0:01 - Satin sheets?!? Gay much?
0:09 - He has a vase with tall reedy things next to his bed? Who has this in 1987? The gays (and my mom).
0:25 - Seriously, no shirts around with an intact shoulder? Is it laundry day?
0:31 - His upper arms seem to be stuck to his torso, but not even that can squelch his irrepressibly gay snapping.
0:50 - Okay, he just sashayed over to his pink (!!!) elevator, fluffed up his man-perm, and is now crawling on his floor. Billy, you minx!! Freeze it at 0:52 for big gay O-face.
1:08 - Somewhere in his hissy fit, he found his camisole. *Whew!*
1:16 - More gay frolicking, while a close up is soft-focused over the top, like some Olan Mills portrait gone horribly wrong. And gay(er).
1:20 - Invisible jumprope.
1:26 - Money shot: Billy tears his tee in a fit of pique. Missed it? Oh look -- instant replay!
1:34 - I think I wore this same tank combo to Jazzercise in. Nothing says straight like the knots at the waist, except maybe more of the gay forearm snapping.
1:46 - Rwawrr! I'm a caged animal!!!
1:50 - More gay dancing, in the window this time -- what will his neighbors think!?! And c'mon Billy -- man up and slide down your big red pole instead of that weird half-plie you just did.
2:00 - Giant. Gay. Backbend.
2:03 - What, don't you have a hairbrush you can pretend to sing into, Sandra Dee?
2:09 through 2:43 - This looks like some sort of sponsored fit. Who choreographed this?! I guarantee, if I went to my local grocery store and repeated this "dance" they'd put me in a padded cell tout de suite.
2:47 - Exhausted! Fall on bed! He rolled off too soon -- I would have preferred the slightly gayer choice of rolling and writhing like Madonna in the "Material Girl" video ("a material... a material... a material... a material WORLD.") Side Note: Fun new improv game, 'New (Gay) Choice' -- each choice has to be progressively gayer.
3:03 - Who is he singing to? This is the butchest he's been all video.
3:22 - Wait, I may stand to be corrected! He just grabbed his axe, and got in the pink (!!!) elevator! I smell some butchness about to happen!
3:41 - Or... not. Why the neckerchief? And why is his band suddenly dressed and coiffed like A-Ha?
4:16 - I swear this video ended his career. Now he's running in place trying to catch it.
4:39 - Okay, he just leaned provocatively on the drummer, now the keyboardist and drummer are hugging while Billy leans on his guitarist while his bassist strips.

In summation: I love me some gay, but Rip Taylor is embarrassed by this video. Fin.