Gotta clear outta town

I heard about this first story on the radio, driving in to work this morning. In looking it up, I found two more amazing stories based out of the Orlando area today:

• A man attempts to sell fake crack to elderly nursing home residents -- the "crack" turns out to be balled-up pieces of bread.
• A father is arrested for severely beating his 15 year old daughter after she finally asks him (at 430am) if he would keep the noise down so she can sleep.
  
• A giant inflatable walk-thru "super colon" teaches exhibit-goers about colo-rectal cancer.

I think I'm living in the wrong place.